Winding the Clock
When I was a little lad, my old grandfather said
That none should wind the clock but he, and so at time for bed
He’d fumble for the curious key kept high upon the shelf
And set aside that little task entirely for himself.
In time grandfather passed away and so that duty fell
Unto my father who performed the weekly custom well;
He held that clocks were not to be by careless persons wound
And he alone should turn the key or move the hands around.
I envied him that little task and wished that I might be
The one entrusted with the turning of the key.
But year by year the clock was his exclusive bit of care
Until the day the angels came and smoothed his silver hair.
Today the task is mine to do, like those who’ve gone before,
I am a jealous guardian of that round and glassy door.
And until at my chamber door God’s messenger shall knock
To me alone shall be reserved the right to wind the clock.
The Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
“What’s the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.
“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.
“How’s it work?” the friend asked. “Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, IT’S TWO AM!”
Trying to fix a clock
Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?
“Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tock tick-tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.’”
The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over to the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clock’s face. Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!”
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret around a clock?
Because time will tell.
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